By: Awoyeku Olayinka
Of the greatest UItes! Great! And of the Greeeaaatest UIteees! Great!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, it is a great privilege to be here this evening to unveil our agenda for a progressive union, it is an agenda that will favour you all. This agenda is named The Abracadabra Agenda, as some of you might have known. It contains different issues battling students on campus right from school fee, students' welfare, intra-campus transportation and a host of other things that are kicking your asses. This agenda contains 789 pages of 'structured' reforms that will rejuvenate our union on campus. You all heard me right, you heard 'structure', somebody shout 'structure',
STRUCTURE!
As you all know I am not the one contesting but I am his forerunner for tonight, you all know the reason why we are here, we are here because of our brother that will liberate you all from the shackles of poor student leadership. The only person who is a capacity leader and builder at the same time. The one of one of the University of Ibadan, the ever intellectual leader who is yet to lead - The pioneer of the Abracadabra Agenda, you all should give it up for SALIU!!!
Saliu! Saliu!! Saliu!!!
Thank you all for coming to the unveiling of my agenda. As you know, I am Saliu, the only student leader that will put and end to your suffering and plights on campus. I sat with different stakeholders on campus to draft this reform. I went from halls to halls just to listen to your problems in order to know the things that are kicking your goddamn asses - that is why my agenda has several pages which succinctly explain my plans and how I will work them out. Don't bother to read your course materials for the next few days, I want you all to focus on my plans, read and digest them. With that you will know that I am not here to play. I am not like that Egbon who couldn't fight for you during the school fee increment but gave you updates on Nelfund, he couldn't fight for a total reversal, that is, he advised you all to take the loan. Haha! That's laughable. I won't govern you like him, he knows I am not his mate when it comes to using you all to play politics. I know you are disgruntled about his administration but help us here!!!
Other candidates have come here to make promises and they have done a lot of shenanigans against me but I won't fold because I have you all at heart. I want you to have me at heart too and vote for me. Take a look at my agbada, you see how clean and clear the white is? That is how I will clear the money in the Union's pocket, sorry, I mean that is how my track record has been clear of negative deeds.
I have said a lot without saying anything but I want you all to go back to your halls of residence and brood over my agenda. I promised that you will never make a grievous mistake by voting for me.
I remain my boastful self, Saliu.
See you on the election day...
