By KG
“Wow, so you have gained admission?”
“Which school?”
“UI?”
“Wonderful! What course?…”
You probably enjoyed similar expressions of elation and surprise from your folks on your admission into the prestigious Fess and Bess. You have savoured the extra attention, respect and double checks you’ve been getting from people in your area. I mean who wouldn’t. But now that they’ve heard, they’re probably irritating you with their constant sermons and counseling on how to and how not to behave on campus. I assure you, I’m on your side. They suppose dey worship you ni, na god you be, afterall you went through, you shouldn’t be treated like a child. But stick with me till the end, after all is said and done there are some things they no dey tell person.
So in your first fews days on campus, you have boarded Keke from your hall to everywhere you want to go on campus, telling each Keke man to keep the change. Not that I blame you, I mean, in this harsh economy who keeps change on them. Or maybe you have started donating your foodstuff to charitable causes, wasting food, and all. Don’t you worry, a crash course in Sapa 101 and the Basics of Garri soaking will clear that up.
In terms of fellowship and religious worship, you’re probably one of the devout brothers and sisters on campus. You don’t miss any service, not even if there’s class. Ordinary people would not understand. Within a few weeks of resumption, Brother Job, you’re already assistant Bible study leader; sister patience, you’re already assistant head usher. Again, I’m not being critical, afterall, you’re doing the works of him who sent you.
Also, you have probably been missing classes. For the one millionth time, I don’t blame you. In this place, it’s honestly quite difficult to keep up with registration and classes. Most times, you even Don’t even know which courses to borrow. It’s understandable. It’s just that you shouldn’t be surprised when results start coming out and your name is nowhere to be found. Then, you will have to explain how you gained admission and how your name is not on the list. And I assure you, you go explain tire.
You can even choose to demonstrate your academic prowess, afterall you were the best in your school. You even won that Chocolate Choco contest and for all it’s worth, you want to demonstrate your full capacity. So when ataylites are advising you against borrowing a course you go for it; na the staylite no Sabi book. Or when lecturers are dictating, you don’t jot things down. And when given an assignment, you don’t do it because exams are there (A is 70) exam will cover you. My dear brother, dem no dey tell person.
Finally, maybe you’re King Solomon’s protege, a thousand ladies by your side, ten thousand by your right hand. Even before resumption, you have scoped like five fine babes in each of the female hostels. Even before admission, you’re already Emeritus Professor in Awo studies and Idialogy ( Awo 101 and Idia 101 is for young boys). Nice job, champ.
In this UI weather and in the fever pitch rush where everyone is running helterskelter, you are asking a girl if she has eaten. Again, not that I blame you, you probably can’t help it. So in this UI you’re working on your drip and not on GP. Pray you won’t be placed on actual drip when GP comes out. Do well to note that advise to withdraw is not technically an advise. It is, as Comedian and Social satirist Layi Wasabi once said, a call to “wrap it up nigga.”
Once again, ladies and gentlemen, they no dey tell person.
Have a blissful resumption.
